AGONY and ECSTACY: GRIEF
by deirdre's dreams
Summary: Another Quall songfic here. And how the tables have turned. Please do review!


A/N:Consider this as a what-if songfic…oh, yes, I love to have the tables turned as far as my favourite FF8 characters are concerned. So I hope that because I've warned you beforehand, you'd find the characters' slight (or super) OOC-ness acceptable. Please…please…please do review, please, so I may know what you think!

Again in here lies the disclaimer.

**AGONY and ECSTACY: GRIEF**

They didn't know why she instantly left, but she still did, anyway. For someone as motherly caring and thoughtful as her, she didn't leave anything, not even a clue. She drifted like the wind, but unlike it, she had stayed, and lingered long, before she decided to leave them altogether.

Her friends were worried, but they weren't who she wanted to care. Well, not anymore, anyway. She wanted _him_ to care for her the most. Not her best friend, not her hotdog pal, not her ladies' gentleman, and certainly not the SeeD Commander. She wanted her knight, she longed for him every day, in every minute and every second that it hurts so much to live.

_**Memories are just where you laid them**_

_**Dragging waters till the depths give up their dead**_

_**What did you expect to find?**_

_**Was it something you left behind?**_

One day they caught her stiffly walking towards the garden where the cliff just lies near, still in her nightgown. They had saved her then, but it only brought a classic rage in her. The next day they found her room locked. All her windows were shut and covered with black curtains. She wouldn't let them in. She'd never let herself out.

He was begged by their friends to console her and cheer her up, even if it was only in her doorway. Of all the people, he was the one who could very well sympathize with her. Two days. Three days. His efforts were fruitless. They started to panic and finally let Cid take care of it.

A good three hours later, they entered her room, floor splattered with shattered pieces of porcelain and crushed petals. Her room was dark. She was staring blankly at the wall, still in her nightgown, unblinking. For a moment they thought she was dead.

_**Don't you remember everything I said**_

**_When I said "Don't fall away, and leave me to myself"_**

_**Don't fall away, and leave love bleeding in my hands,**_

_**In my hands again**_

_**Leave love bleeding in my hands,**_

_**In my hands,**_

_**Love lies bleeding...**_

Her best friend was crying that she had left first. The ladies' man followed her fiancé. A good two minutes later, the SeeD Commander asked his hotdog pal and the headmaster to leave. He closed the door. Switched on the lights. And drove himself to his own grief.

His supposed angel was dead. Her knight was dead. He faced her and sat down, staring into cornflower eyes that were once so alight with pure joy whenever they got the chance to meet his own steel grey ones. Now they were simply dead. He tried to console himself with the only way he knows how. He attempted to touch her; selfishly happy that at least he could still touch her, the love of his life. If only he had accepted the fact sooner…

"What are you doing here, Squall?" a suddenly raspy voice disrupted the silence.

Relieved to finally hear her voice, he simply said what first came to his mind, as he so tenderly brushed her arm. "To be with you."

"Are you here to grieve on Rinoa, too?"

He instantly took his hands off, as if burned.

_**Oh hold me now, I feel contagious**_

_**Am I the only place that you've left to go?**_

_**She cries that life is like **_

**_Some movie black and white_**

_**Dead actors, vacant lies, **_

**_Over, and over, and over again she cries_**

His silence had been taken as a no.

"Then leave me alone, Squall."

"No."

He didn't hear her speak again, and it made him panic, and brushed her arm to offer some warmth. He didn't hear her soft mumble until he had to ask her again. "Quisty?"

Then and there did she look at him with her blank eyes. Her dishevelled hair. Her cryptic smile. Her tear-stained cheeks.

"I have it, Squall. Remember? I've talked. See it?" she was frailly pointing everywhere. "So I don't need anyone anymore." And she let out a shrill laugh that sent painful shivers down his spine.

'_Don't be like this,'_ he had finally spoken with his eyes, half-scold, half-plea. She didn't seem to care as if a thought came to her mind, and looked through him as if he never existed.

"Do you think he even ever meant it when he said he loved me…before he died?"

She was talking to the wall.

_**Don't fall away, and leave me to myself**_

_**Don't fall away**_

**_And leave love bleeding in my hands,_**

_**In my hands again**_

It was another moment of silence until Quistis turned to him again.

"Go away. You're blocking me from _my _wall. Seifer wouldn't want that, you know. Do you even know?"

He finally grabbed hold of her arms and had her body limply fall to his. She tensed. They continued to be that way; he gently stroked her hair, her cheeks, her arms. It hurt him to notice that his touch made her tense.

"I hate you, Squall. You killed them. You killed _him_," she softly rasped.

He didn't let go, no matter how much she may resent it. No matter how much he might get hurt by it. He won't let her go. She'll live. He won't allow anything else anymore.

"You should rest," he choked out in a whisper, guilt consuming him like a fireball.

She once again tensed.

_**Leave love bleeding in my hands,**_

_**In my hands,**_

_**Love lies bleeding**_

They never saw her cry again. She was too weak to leave her spot and lock the door. Her fan group daily visited her. She lashed out at anyone. She clawed at his face when he returned. Threw the bowl at him when he attempted to feed her. Punched his ribs when he carried her to the infirmary.

She was hospitalized and fed by an IV tube for how many days. She lost weight. She lost her desire to speak. A few weeks more, her friends had tried to tell her what has happened. A few months more, she had her IV tubes off and was allowed to sit up. Her fractures have gradually healed. Her students brought her flowers. Her friends cheered her up. He never talked to her unless they were alone, and he would tell her how much he loved her, and how much he was willing to wait.

One day she slapped him. Hard.

"You're not Seifer. Leave me alone! He died because of you! If only you didn't hand them that mission—!"

Those had been her very first words then.

_**And I wanted**_

_**You to turn away**_

_**You don't remember**_

_**But I do**_

_**You never even tried...**_

A year and a half have passed. She was walking along the halls of her new school, hastily stacking her papers. A staff meeting had been urgently put to order. She heard that someone from Balamb was going to meet with them, too.

She opened the room and realized that she had been too early. She scanned the room lengthily and also noticed that the one from Balamb had been early, too. And realized that he'd eventually be her seatmate. She decided to greet him for proper relations' sake.

"Good afternoon, Sir. It's quite a plea—" The man had turned to her and slightly smiled. She had gone shell-shocked. Her hand had trembled. Her mouth had gone agape.

"Hello, Quisty."

It was the SeeD Commander.

_**Don't fall away, and leave me to myself**_

_**Don't fall away, **_

**_And leave love bleeding in my hands,_**

_**In my hands again**_

She was standing in front of their graves. Their flowers had been properly placed, floating on the shores, right down the cliff she's standing. The wind blew her hair, finally let down at last after much relentless prodding from her husband.

She breathed in the wind in large, blissful gulps. And smiled. A moment later, her husband had joined her as he carefully laced his arms on her waist, slowly moving above her slightly swelling belly. She shivered as he silently nuzzled her hair, gradually struggling for the area around her neck.

A few moments later, she forced her husband to stop, face and look at her. Lively cornflower met soft steel grey.

"Tell me, Commander Leonhart. Had I been so insufferable then?"

He smiled. And only answered her with a kiss.

_**Leave love bleeding in my hands,**_

_**In my hands again,**_

_**Leave love bleeding in my hands,**_

_**In my hands again**_

She had drifted then, and there had been nothing else that they could do. No one. Not even him.

He was slightly brushing her ring. Their wedding ring. And smiled between their lips.

Not anymore.

A/N:Well, what can you say about my experiment? Was it too OOC? Was it too sweet? Too sour? Too bitter? Please do review. I accept anything and I am more than glad to hear of you!

Let's keep Qualls burning! Ayt!

PS:The song is brought to you by Fuel, entitled "Hemorrhage." (I suggest you listen to it, the note of desperation is quite evident in the song…so loved it! Inspired me to write this songfic!)


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